ruff day at the office

so teaching today I could not do anything right, or so it seemed. My homeroom failed to do anything all day. All the other classes except one were just one incident after the other. I would label today FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE day ,big time! It lead to a major melt down for a student and then for myself as well.

The incident today was a larger scale of smaller incidents with same student for over a week. last week when he was asked to leave my room he punched a picture frame containing an USA flag I got for Christmas. He busted up his hand pretty good. He seems to seek out my personal belongings to trash. Earlier in the year he grabbed some flags, ones on dowels and hit them on the chalk tray trying to break them. For those who don't know I work at a special day school for emotionally disturbed children. We have security or intervention coaches who step in in these crazy situations. Well "Student" was at it again today.

Today he turned in 1/4 of the work and I told him I would send the rest home to be completed there. He tore up the work and threw it across the room. Then he got a new worksheet and sat on top of a desk and stared to do the work. I let him stay in class but redirected him to sit somewhere safe. he did not follow the directions and based on previous behavior I had my TA go get security to escort him out for being unsafe, throwing things, and not following directions.

In the meantime he did finally sit in a chair but was now writing on the desk he kept looking at me to see if I was going to do something about it not realizing I had already sent for help. When security arrived I told him he needed to go with them to our practice hallway- a place students go to practice good school skills they have rm8 to deescalate, 9 where they do work showing they are ready to be back in class and follow directions and they have skills- in school suspension rooms and 2 gray rooms/isolation rooms that can be locked from the outside highly supervised rooms!

When asked/told he needed to go practice school skills he picked up his desk and threw it at my computer cart, raked off my teacher podium, then kicked my fan to smithereens all in like 25 seconds. He was taken to a gray room and then somehow he ditched security and came back to my room for some more. He kicked my recycle bin all the while swearing at me and started to clear off my bookshelves. I stood up and told him he needed to leave my room immediately he ran over to me and postured as if to hit me and told me he would kill me, using some nice colorful language. about this time security arrived and physically removed him from my room.

It was so personal. he came back for me. to intimidate me. to hit me and hurt me or my stuff anyway he could. needless to say I was pretty shaken up about the whole incident and really mad. but glad I had not hit him in the heat of the moment, myself. I was so peeved and angry with him! I wrote up what needed to be written up at that second. and then took some time outside my room and I lost it.

I called my momma and she was a big help. It was so unnerving. My principle stopped by and told my ta that we could take a few days off if we needed. I said hell no! I am not going to let some teenager intimidate me into not coming to school. if he wants to hate women and hate me that is fine but I will still do my job, I will still go to work, I will not allow him to make me feel afraid in my own classroom.

I don't think the public understands what working with these kids can be like. I feel for the parents who with Ed and ODD kids. It is a rough road to hoe. Today was an extreme but it happened...tomorrow is a new day for him and for me. I hope and pray that I and he can work this out and get to the heart of whatever the problem is...if it is something I can do or change I sure wish I knew so I could fix this and make it hurt less.

You love your students and know that they are capable of good you see it in moments when they help each other and complement each other and remember to say please and thank you. When they help you clean up the mess another student makes when they are out of control and escalated. I know they are all capable of achieving so much but you can't make them chose it.

It was after this that I realized this is exactly what our Father in Heaven must feel like with us. We mess up and mess up and mess up and feel like we are no good. No matter how many times I tell a student that was yesterday lets try again; they can't let it go and all their yesterdays effect their tomorrows so much that they can't see past them or move past them. How many times do I need to be told that I am good, and that I can make good choices, or that I am more than a number on a scale, or a age or a marital status...none of these are qualifiers for love especially the love of our Heavenly Father and His Son. They constantly beckon to us to come unto them and tell us: that was yesterday let's move on. I guess sometimes I am just as stubborn and hard headed as my students. I do things that say to people I love dearly, " see I am bad, you don't need me or want me I can't/aren't changing fast enough or completely enough you can't love me"

I know tomorrow will be a new day and I hope I am able to communicate my love for this student and to start choosing more fully for myself to see the NEW DAY!